Let me introduce myself: my name is Kale. I’m not shy, but all the attention I’ve gotten in the last few years can be overwhelming. One minute you’re out in your furrow waiting for a few people to notice you, and the next minute you’re all over the internet being both loved and reviled, and even the topic of cocktail party conversations.
Not to brag, but I’m a superfood. I try not to let it go to my head, but that is what they call me. I’m one of the ‘big seven’ superfoods. So, yeah, I feel like I have a duty to help people out.
I don’t want to sound pushy or anything, but you should get to know me a little. I’ve seen you in the supermarket produce section, and even at the farmer’s market, eyeing me warily. I remember that one time that you bought me and took me home, but then I wilted and rotted in your fridge. That was a first step. I think we should try again.
I know I can be difficult. I know what people say about me—bitter, tough, overwhelming—and, listen, they might be right sometimes. We can deal with those issues. I’m willing to work on them if you are. Building a good relationship takes time and effort.
Why would you want to work on a relationship with me? Because I could be very good for you. Seriously, give me a shot, find some ways to deal with my characteristics you don’t like and I’ll make you feel better in mind and body. I can help you feel good about yourself and even help you to lose weight.
Why I’d be Good for You
Vitamin K, vitamin A, carotenes, calcium, vitamin C, vitamin B, and iron—those are just some of what I have to bring to our relationship. I may lower your LDL cholesterol (the ‘bad’ cholesterol) levels and reduce the risk of heart disease. If you steam me, I am 43% as potent as cholestyramine, a cholesterol-lowering drug. Plus I don’t have the side effects of medication. I’m also chock-full of carotenoids and flavonoids which are thought to prevent cancer and blood clots, strengthen your bones, and better yet, I can improve your mood and increase your energy level. If you’re stressed out, I’m there to support you by restoring vitamin B levels depleted by stress. I want you to succeed. Trust me, if you eat me several times a week you’re on your way to your personal feel-good weight and a healthy long life. Make me your partner and you can transform your life.
Being in a relationship with me might be challenging at first. Sure, you’ll have to find ways to deal with my negatives to benefit from all I have to offer. But I’m pretty versatile and I think we can find a way to work together. Mix me with other veggies. Put me in a salad. Simmer me in soup. Bake me. Sauté me. I really recommend that you try me in Shades of Green, Salad Supreme©. We can find a way to have a fulfilling relationship.
C’mon, Give Me a Chance
I love being the star of Shades of Green, Salad Supreme©. Chop me up and mix me with other greens such as spinach, collard greens, chard, lettuce, broccoli and parsley. Toss in some sardines or tuna along with tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, and other goodies from your produce section. I look great surrounded with lots of shades of green and the red color of tomato accessorizes me well. Eat this yummy salad daily and you’ll look terrific as you lose some weight. I love a low calorie dressing and lots of people love me slathered with a tasty zero calorie dressing by Walden farms.
For those who like something slightly sweet, try Kale-Waldorf salad. Simply combine chopped kale, celery, walnuts, apples and red grapes or dried cranberries for that touch of red that makes me look good. Pair with a low-calorie or nonfat poppyseed dressing. Prepare ahead and let sit in the fridge for a few hours, and the dressing will tenderize my leaves.
I think we can re-frame some of the things you don’t like about me and see them in a new light. I can be tough and hard to chew, sure, but once you’ve spent time getting through a few of my leaves, you’ll feel full because chewing sends satiation signals to the brain. Studies show I can help with weight loss because you’ll feel so satisfied from all my bulky crisp leaves. Also, I protect your eye health. Most people don’t think about their eyes until they’re old, but may end up with macular degeneration or cataracts. Why not reduce the chances of developing these problems?
Think of me as crispy, colorful and resilient, not tough. I’m open to a little seasoning, not bitter. I’m an excellent complement to other vegetables, not overwhelming. I can be an acquired taste, but I’m a taste you want to acquire.
I know I’m pretty popular now, but there are so many reasons I’ve gotten so much attention lately. I know it sounds kind of pretentious to remind you that I’m a superfood that boosts your health and well-being. Why not give me a shot? Next time you see me in the grocery store, take me home. Don’t let me mold in your fridge. Bake me. Cook me. Slather some salad dressing on me—whatever you like. Just give me a try. Give me a bunch of tries. Dress me up and take me out. Let’s start a long, long relationship together because I want to make you feel super.
There are so many benefits to be gained from including me in your diet. So why wait? Let’s make a date so you discover all that I have to offer for both your body and mind.