1) Move yourself in morning light.
Everyone knows that exercise is a great habit. But getting out and exercising in the morning, getting that early dose of sunlight, can help improve your mood and get your day off to a good start. Research has shown that even as little as 15 minutes of morning light can have a positive impact. Walking in the morning is also a good way to help you focus your mind if you grapple with distraction or depression. Not an early bird? You can always exercise later in the day and use that as a time to de-stress. Walking with your partner or spouse is a terrific way to boost your relationship skills.
2) Share yourself.
Our brains are wired for building positive connections with other people. It’s crucial for our health to connect with others. It doesn’t all have to be deep intimate relationships. Try making it a habit to be friendly to the people you encounter throughout your day. Say hello. Introduce yourself, be curious about the other person. Even going to the same grocery store can help fortify relationships with the employees. Consider volunteering, which helps all of us feel better.
Of course, if you are in a relationship, take some moments to reflect on what you appreciate about your partner. Then tell them. It’s so easy to focus on all the little things that drive us crazy, but with practice, you can adjust that focus to what you value about them. Victoria was always finding faults with her husband Gabriel but decided to focus on the things she loved about him. She made it a habit to think more positively, and with practice, her entire outlook changed. It is amazing what we can do when we make our minds up too! This is what happens if you are committed to working with a marriage counselor in Los Gatos.
3) Lift yourself up and create a routine.
A third important habit is to find ways to bounce back from funks, stress, or episodes of anxiety or depression. When things are going bad, feeling bad can become a habit. If you feel like you have been stuck in a rut, turn to a good routine: Make sure you exercise. Eat something healthy. Get something done. Ask yourself: What is the one task you really want to get done for the day? Tanisha felt a surge of energy after mailing a package that had been sitting around for days. Have a good to-do list and make it a habit to cross off at least one thing each day. When you complete one task, you often generate the energy to do one more. Remember we are what we repeatedly do. Good feelings that you cultivate will help with your Marriage Therapy in Los Gatos.
4) Love yourself.
So many of us are so critical of ourselves. Practicing acceptance and self-love can make a big difference. Remember, you have an inner child who is like the real child you once were. Talk to them. Be gentle. Be kind. Share what you love about yourself. Jacob talked with his inner kid during therapy and said he was sorry he was abused but that he is the most precious kid in the whole world. He said in one session, “You are amazing and talented, and I will help you reach your goals.” You have an inner critic, too. Once you’re aware of that inner critic, practice, practice, practice self-love. People who are critical of themselves are often critical of their partner and practicing self-love helps with Marriage Counseling in Los Gatos.
5) Get to know yourself.
Take time in your day for self-reflecting and awareness. I have a phrase I tell my clients: “Involve, Resolve, and Evolve.” I invite you to spend some time each day self-reflecting. Even five to ten minutes just being with your thoughts and feelings can help you become more aware of what is on your mind. Jason always thought he was too busy for self-reflection. But once he hung out with his feelings for just one day, he noticed he was thinking about the fight he had with Ginger, his girlfriend. He reflected on how he’d sunk to unnecessary and unhelpful insults and decided an apology was in order. If Jason had not taken that time to self-reflect, he would have gotten stuck feeling resentment about the fight. Self-reflection is an important skill I teach people who are involved in Marriage Therapy in Los Gatos.
6) Affirm yourself.
Make deep positive affirmations a habit. We have heard for years that affirmations are good for us, but you’ll achieve a stronger effect if you really sit with one affirmation and let it penetrate your consciousness. For example, Madison struggled with low self-esteem. Instead of telling herself a list of affirmations, she practiced one: “I have unlimited potential.” She found when she repeated this phrase and let it sink in, her mood improved. Affirmations are unlimited, but how you decide on what to use is a creative process. Find the affirmations that work for you. Below are several you might select, from my stack of Wisdom Cards by Louse Hays:
- I am a natural winner.
- I am now my own unique self.
- I have unlimited potential.
- I am perfect exactly the way I am.
- I am healthy and filled with energy.
- I help create a world where it is safe to love each other.
- I speak and think positively.
And these seven, written by me:
- I can do whatever I make my mind up to do.
- I take care of one important thing first thing in my day.
- Every day is a new day full of opportunities to discover.
- I am an exceptional person.
- I am a results-driven person.
- I love being in love with life.
- I extend kindness to the people I meet.
If you’re ready to increase your well-being and improve your marriage, book a session with me today and begin the journey towards the relationship you deserve.