Meet Rosetta and José
Rosetta and José had been married for 15 years and came to see me for relationship therapy because of their marital issues. In our first meeting, I learned that both of them wanted to have an amazing relationship with a higher level of intimacy and pleasure. They had a solid goal and the motivation to reach it, however, they both had problems with conflict avoidance. In fact, they described feeling stuck and truly wanted to “go from a maze to amazing.”
José worked long hours to avoid difficult discussions with Rosetta because he felt that most of their conversations turned into fights. He told her that his boss needed him, but she knew it was mostly just an excuse. Rosetta avoided dealing with conflicts in a positive way by getting defensive whenever José brought up what he perceived as a dull sex life. The central problem in their communication was that José was attacking and critical when they got into their discussions, and Rosetta was highly defensive and kept changing the topic. Sometimes she would break down in a puddle of tears. The result was that they both felt misunderstood, and their problems were left hanging because of their impaired habits. This pattern made compromise impossible.
When they came to see me, a lot of resentment had built up and they had not been sexually intimate for months. Fortunately each partner was able to own their part of the problem, which quickened the development of necessary skills and capacities. On a positive note, both Rosetta and José were highly motivated. This was partly due to them previously having a good sexual relationship, which they wanted to get back. With tenacious work they were able to ask good questions, tolerate their feelings, speak truthfully, and negotiate in a relatively short period of time.
There is hope, there is help and it’s just a phone call away. Call 408-358-9679 for a complimentary phone consultation.