Los Gatos Emotional Counseling, Self-Esteem Counseling Los Gatos, Campbell, CA, CaliforniaThe Path to an Amazing Life

Formulated by Dr. Patrice Wolters

Welcome to my practice where I’ll be guiding you on your path to an amazing life.

It’s commonly said that people don’t tap into their potential. However, I believe that you can actually accomplish three times more than you give yourself credit for, and the first step is to discover your path to an amazing life. While working with me, I’ll help you achieve that.

I understand that you might have issues and challenges to overcome on this journey, but as you grow, you’ll become more self-confident, empowered, and actually feel brighter, more fulfilled, and have a lighter sense to your being. Here are five steps toward achieving that amazing life.

  1. Identify sticking points. Unresolved conflicts, emotional reactivity, lack of tolerance, a mental health challenge or procrastination might be getting in your way and preventing you from moving forward.
  2. Formulate motivational and measurable goals.
  3. Develop skills to achieve your short-term goals.
  4. Learn various skills, behavior patterns and cultivate the capacities to manage the biological and psychological challenges of life.
  5. Celebrate your success. Rewarding yourself is vital to the process.

As you begin to incorporate these steps into your life, and repeat them, you will begin to achieve things you never thought were possible. The achievement of your short-term goals will lead to the accomplishment of your bigger goals. Accomplishing a series of these challenging goals is the central component to discovering an amazing life.

  1. Where Are You Stuck?
     
    • Is your child or teenager off track? Are you overwhelmed by this?
    • Are you having trouble resolving conflicts with your friend, partner or spouse, while feeling distant or resentful at the same time?
    • Are ineffective communication patterns causing you to feel misunderstood in a significant relationship?
    • Do you have a health or mental health challenge that gets in the way of forward movement?
    • Are you stuck in a pattern of mediocre income due to negative money messages from your parents, lack of healthy financial habits, or old beliefs about scarcity?
    • Are you having trouble making decisions because of a lack of clarity, a fear of taking risks, or indecisiveness?
    • Are you having problems in your marriage that are leading to resentment and a lack of intimacy?
    • Are you having difficulties getting things done because of procrastination?
       

    These are just a few of the common places where people feel stuck. Often, people waste valuable time because they are not clear about their core issues including barriers to success, or they haven’t plotted out measurable and realistic goals. To move forward, it’s essential to clearly identify the problem or issue that’s standing in your way. Once you’ve done so, this opens the door to a clear, motivating and measurable goal. Additionally, it is crucial to have a clear vision of the life you want to achieve and the person you want to become.

  1. Set a Goal
    A measurable goal is essential in facilitating change. Here are some examples of measurable goals:

    • Develop a strong, positive, measurable self-esteem. Where do you feel that you’re at on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being low self-esteem and 10 being high self-esteem?
    • Reach an achievable weight goal.
    • Plan and save to buy a new pair of shoes, prepare to sell your old car, start reading that book that’s on your nightstand, sign up for a photography class, or plan a family trip. Do something that gives you a sense of fulfillment.
    • Overcome depressive tendencies and become motivated and optimistic about life.
    • Replace conflict-avoidant patterns with efficient conflict-resolution skills.
    • Develop effective intimacy skills that can lead to a flourishing relationship.
       

    These goals may be long-term and often there are measurable small steps within each overall goal. For example, developing positive self-esteem could involve completing a degree that leads to the work you love. Overcoming depressive tendencies could involve exercising for 25 minutes, five days per week. It is common for people to not know what they want. I will work with you to set a realistic goal that you feel excited to achieve. Experimentation is the key to finding it. Click here to read a true story.

  1. Learn Some Important Communication Skills
     
    • Develop emotional muscle: tolerate your own feelings and reactivity while listening to your partner’s side of the story. This can take some real effort over time but can make a significant change in your relationships.
    • Ask good questions so you can have a deeper understanding of the other side of the story by learning the beliefs and messages that shaped the other person’s position.
    • Develop the ability to soothe yourself and calm down when you feel like engaging in over-reactive behaviors such as escalating anger, getting defensive, or breaking down into tears.
    • Dare to be courageous and speak the truth when you feel like fibbing or want to avoid the situation.
    • Negotiate reasonably and fairly.
    • Face your fears: as you face certain fears you gradually develop a sense of empowerment. A growing sense of empowerment can lead to feelings of awe and wonder as you make your dreams come true. Real change is a combination of facing fears and being persistent over time.
    • Become resilient: develop a support system, learn to depend on yourself, cultivate discipline, take responsibility for yourself, develop tolerance and keep physically and emotionally fit.
       

    While these skills may appear easy to learn, each one is often a challenge to develop and involves risk-taking, tolerating the possibility of loss, dealing with uncertainty, and learning to persist when one wants to resist. Remember that relationships are our most precious resource, and with effort and practice you can learn to make your relationship flourish. [ Read a true story here. ]

  1. Move Forward with Resiliency
    Loss, disappointment, stress, and rejection are all part of life and require us to develop resiliency in order to keep going and live exceptional lives. Here are several markers of a resilient person:

    • Strong and supple sense of self-esteem.
    • Independent thought and action instead of codependency.
    • Strong sense of responsibility.
    • A well-established network of personal friends.
    • A high level of personal discipline.
    • Openness to new ideas, activities and creativity.
    • Development of a support system.
    • Stays physically fit.
    • Give and take in a relationship.

     

  1. Celebrate Your Successes and Progress
     
    It is vital that you talk to yourself in a way that promotes forward movement. Go to YouTube and listen to the song “Eyes on the Prize” with lyrics by yours truly, Patrice Wolters. I wrote these lyrics to promote forward thinking, positive coping skills, and resiliency. Make it a point to celebrate achieved goals. This increases the likelihood that pleasure centers will be ignited in the brain and will encourage you to repeat your new patterns. Partake in simple celebrations such as watching a movie, treating yourself to a coffee drink, buying something small, or calling a friend for a fun outing.

For many people, the above traits may actually be goals and achieving them will help you “get to amazing.” As you develop these traits you can learn to believe in yourself and “do three times more than you give yourself credit for.”

There is hope, there is help and it’s just a phone call away. Call 408-358-9679 for a complimentary phone consultation.

Phone: 408-358-9679
16575-B Los Gatos-Almaden Road, Los Gatos, CA 95032
315 Los Gatos-Saratoga Road, Los Gatos, CA 95030

Dr. Patrice Wolters – Self-Esteem Counseling, Conflict Avoidance Behavior, Communication Skills, and Resiliency Training in Los Gatos and Campbell, CA, California